


Live While We Can

by Saracha05



Category: Les Misérables (2012)
Genre: Drunk Grantaire, Enjolras Has Feelings, Enjolras Is Bad At Feelings, Fluff and Angst, Grantaire is a Mess, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, Making Out, Making Up
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-11
Updated: 2020-10-11
Packaged: 2021-03-07 18:47:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,087
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26952370
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Saracha05/pseuds/Saracha05
Summary: "No you stupid idiot! I didn't want to fall in love"Enjolras paused with shakey lips, a tear rolling down his chin."I can't"
Relationships: Enjolras/Grantaire (Les Misérables)
Comments: 3
Kudos: 58





	Live While We Can

Tensions were high.

The air seemed tightly still, one single noise would seem out of place. It would ruin the unsettling atmosphere.

No one dared make a noise as they stared at their very pissed off leader.

Everyone knew Enjolras was passionate, and that passion could lead to anger. Everyone knew his voice would raise from time to time. Though no one expected him to lash out at someone.

Especially Grantaire.

Okay maybe people did expect that, but not to this extent.

No one knew what triggered it. Grantaire had been doing the same thing he always does. Drink, witty comment, drink, drink, sarcasm, and yes, drink again. 

As much as Enjolras hated these interruptions, he'd never let that overcome him during a meeting. He had never  _ screamed _ before. And the thing is, Grantaire hadn't even said anything bad. Compared to usual, it was fairly tame.

"The time is almost here. People's lives are on the line, our  _ future _ is on the line. If you aren't to take a firm grasp on the matter you must leave."

Grantaire stared at their leader,  _ his _ leader, for a brief moment. His lips quivered as his hand tightened around the glass neck of his bottle. 

"I said leave! Don't come back," 

Grantaire stood up from his seat as he gently placed his empty wine down, a soft  _ thump _ echoing throughout the wooden room. He left without a word, without a glance of his eyes. It hurt too much to look at his friends, his Apollo.

Many of the guys wanted to object, saying he helped their minds off the topic of death, a nice lighthearted break from their worries. Many wanted to go after Grantaire, or try and talk Enjolras into letting him stay, but they knew it would be futile. They didn't dare raise their voice in objection.

No one took their eyes off their fearless leader, but Enjolras's eyes never left the fading silhouette of green walking away. It hurt, but it was needed.

_ It was needed  _

\---

Another bottle was mindlessly tossed to the floor.

The glasses broke into shards on the dark ground, the noise echoing in his ears.

This is how Grantaire deals with emotions. He simply doesn't. He drinks them away, drowns them out with alcohol and pointless naps.

It's a coping mechanism.

He never faces his problems, he never solves them. Never gives them the time of day, and when he starts to think about it he's doing another mindless act to push it back down.

"Grantie, come back to bed?" A random woman asks with her chest popped out and fingers tracing over his chest. Grantaire can barely remember her name if he's being honest.  _ Emily? Elizabeth?  _ He'll never know.

He gives her the best suggestive smile he can. "Give me a minute" 

She smiled back with a giggle when he slapped her ass before walking back to his room with her hips swaying.

Just another distraction.

Grantaire takes a minute to think about what his life has come to. Constant distractions from the life he wants, the life he  _ had _ . The guy he wants was so close, what had he done wrong? Why did that stop?  _ What is so wrong with me? _

He stood up quickly and walked to his room.

_ Just another distraction _ .

\---

"I'm sorry I don't know what crawled up his garments." Marius said with nervous laughter as he sat opposite to Grantaire. 

"No no, I understand. Times are rough, I certainly wasn't making anything better."

"Nonsense, you brought us jokes. Trust me, they were much appreciated. Plus the constant criticism made for some pleasant conflicted faces on Enjolras."

Grantaire tried smiling before letting out a soft cough. "Let's change topics. Any updates on the guys?"

"Everyones fine. I mean, it's all serious now, especially now, but it's been fine."

"That's wonderful."

"Enjolras has been rough, though."

That struck something in Grantaire's heart.

"Oh?"

"Yes, I assume it's preparation for the revolution. He has a lot of stress."

_ Of course _ his face fell briefly before looking Marius back in the eyes. "It does seem stressful."

"Very. Doesn't help he's never found love. I don't think he's been with a woman, sexual or relationship wise ever." Marius laughed while Grantaire's cheeks flushed pink. He tried laughing along, pretending floods of memories didn't strike him all at once.

"But is he alright? Eating right? Sleeping?"

"Yes, I assume. Who knows, it feels he's shutting us out sometimes."

"Well, I wish the best to him."

"Maybe you should stop by? It's been months, we all miss you. Hell, Enjolras might even miss you."

Grantaire felt his face warm again. How he wishes Enjolras would miss him.

"I don't know, he did kick me out. I feel he thinks me.. rather intrusive."

"Nonsense, he was just upset that day."

"Then he would've seen me and apologized. He doesn't care for me."

"Trust me, I think everyone would love to see your face. He's probably just been really busy."

"Okay" his pulse quickened as he decided. "I'll stop in tonight."

\---

Grantaire was greeted with many pleased faces, handshakes, and  _ how's it been? _ 's and already had a wine bottle in his hands.

Small talk filled the room and it was like Grantaire had never left. Or well, been kicked out. But once Enjolras stomped his tried ass through the door it was silent. Grantaire quickly found a seat in the back.

He looked  _ miserable _ . Big, droopy eyes with heavy bags under them, his posture was less than perfect. It was strange seeing Enjolras like that. Even when they were..  _ intimate _ and in their most vulnerable states he never looked so tired.

Enjolras was giving a typical Enjolras speech. It seems weird, he'd only been gone for a few months but things felt so different. His Apollo felt so different. But his speeches were still the same. Grantaire was glad about that, glad his passion hasn't faded. 

It was going well- or until they locked eyes.

_ Wow _

_ I forgot how blue they were. _

Enjolras's lips altered and he quickly looked away. Grantaire didn't like that.

He went on with talking like nothing happened. Grantaire  _ really _ didn't like that.

It's as if he never existed, never meant anything to his angel in red. Just another face in the crowd of anticipating peers ready to fight. He left a glance to the bottle curled around his fingers.

And once it was over nothing changed. Enjolras talked to people regularly. He didn't spare a glance his way.

It wasn't fair. Enjolras just tossed him aside.  _ Why? _ Was he just a time waster, did he do something wrong?  _ He can't just toss me aside like that. _

He placed his support system down, not caring for it at the moment. He decided that, no, he wasn't going to lean back on it.

Walking through the sea of chatting friends his anger grew as he walked to Enjolras. He wanted answers, he wasn't just going to let it slide this time.

He wasn't going to sit in self deprivation. He wasn't going to sulk around without a proper response.

Sure they were friends with benefits but they were  _ friends _ . They'd hold each other a night, talk about their fears and troubles. He misses those warm hands on his cheeks and their mess of limbs tangled onto each other.

He misses Enjolras.

His soft sleeping face, his raspy morning voice, his aweful cooking, secret touches at meetings, the stupid look on his face when he's stumped on a question, his moans, how he scrunched his eyes when they finish, his small smile when he, somehow, likes one of Grantaire's sarcastic remarks, and he totally steps on dead crunchy leafs when they walk around town.

"I need to speak with you" the words came out fast and clear. He didn't even process what to say before he started speaking.

Enjolras eyes him for a brief moment, his lips pursed as he took a breath. "I'm talking, Grantaire." 

"And I  _ need _ to speak to you."

"Just a minute" he whispered to whoever he was speaking to and faced Grantaire with a frown.

"Let's step outside."

They walked out of the small room into a much smaller room.  _ Probably a closet _ . Grantaire thought as a broom handle poked his lower back.

"What did you need?"

"Don't act dumb, you know. Why else bring us here."

"Well what do you want me to say? Sorry you are a distraction, sorry we need to focus?"

"No, I just want you to explain!"

"That  _ was _ explaining! Look, you can come back to the meetings if it means that much to you but-"

"It's not about the meetings, you know that. Why leave me? Never speak a word to me, never  _ look _ at me. I- I knew we weren't a  _ thing _ but I deserve an explanation of why you leave me with no words, Enjolras. We were  _ friends _ , Enjolras."

"Because I couldn't.."

"What? Stand me? Was I too much for you? What did I do wrong?"

"Nothing you're just-"

"Ugly, never serious, too much of a bother, a play thing for you-" he eyes were watery by now, all his worst fears were spewing out without thinking. Everything he tried not to think about was in high attention.

"No listen,"

"What Enjolras, what did I do? Am I not good enough?" 

"No, you stupid idiot! I didn't  _ want  _ to fall in love"

Grantaire stood still at his words, his clenched fingers going weak at his side.

Enjolras paused with shaky lips, a tear rolling down his chin

"I  _ can't _ ." 

"Love? What do you mea-"

"I love you. God knows my sins and in his  _ amazing _ humor he made me fall in love with someone I can't have."

Grantaire stood still. "Can't have?"

"I can't lose you-"

"Loose me? You push me away and you're worried of  _ losing me _ ?" 

"We're going to fight. I can't bear- what if you're gone, what if I  _ watch you die _ . And if I die, I'd never.. I'd never hold you or- or"

"Wait-"

"You make me doubt. You- how am I going to perform when all I can think of is if you're safe,"

"I love you too,"

"Don't say that"

"What?"

"Don't say you love me, it makes it harder."

"I love you"

"I said-"

"Kiss me?"

It would be a crime if he didn't.

Their lips collided like their lives depended on it, fast and rushed and tangled together to make up for lost time.

Enjolras was passionate with his lips as he pushed Grantaire on the wall, his hands roaming everywhere they could. His thumbs would brush against his cheeks and when he felt R smile against his lips his knees got just a little weaker.

And then soon their hands went places they shouldn't even be going in at this time. But they didn't really care.

"I love you," Grantaire gasped when Enjolras moved to his neck, soft bites left under his jaw.

"I love you," he said between open mouthed kisses, tongues bashing against the other with clenched fists around each other's shirts pulling them closer.

"I love you" they whispered to each other as they sunk to the floor, hands itching to strip off their clothes and to fall back into their old, lovable habits. 

_ Very _ lovable habits. 

\---

The next meeting was great. 

Grantaire still sat in the back, his eyes racking over his Apollo.

And seeing Enjolras up there with hickies over his neck and a small limp every time he'd have to walk multiple steps made his day  _ amazing _ .

Of course people noticed. They asked, many thought he got into a fight, others thought he'd finally got laid by a woman. 

"The fight seems more realistic" Grantaire said when someone asked what happened.

"I don't know, he is attractive. Probably needed a break. Notice the bruises on his face are minimal. Most are on his neck. I say he got lucky last night."

Grantaire just smiled, his gaze going back onto Enjolras as he watched him speak with an enthusiasm he often missed in his months of absence. 

Their eyes locked and  _ God _ he could just look at those blue eyes all day.

Enjolras eyes hesitated on him, a small smirk on his lips from Grantaire's whipped expression.

It was a good day.

They might not've settled their problems, but for now they'll leave it. Their lives could be cut too soon, they want to enjoy what they have.

Just have a good time while they can.

**Author's Note:**

> hi hi ❤️ thanks for reading. I hope you liked it, it's kinda rushed but I wanted to write it. Tell me what you think in the comments? I like reading them <3


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